


Rocket Ship to the Moon

by AlhenaBlack



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, AU where Ben Solo is not force sensitive, Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff, Reader-Insert, later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 14:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7225303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlhenaBlack/pseuds/AlhenaBlack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Always getting what he wants, Ben Solo felt like a celebrity. He had many things everyone else desired, but others he wished for, he couldn't get. It was time to work for what he wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cute

To say your relationship with Ben has always been as strong as it is this day would be a complete lie. Neither you believe the hole ‘from hate to love there is only one step”, and you were sure Ben shared your thoughts.  
  
One day, you’ll have to come up with a story to tell your children about the first time you and Ben talked, and quite frankly, you were a happy with the opportunity to tell the story as you wish I’d have been, because the actual events were far from being friendly, even less, romantic.  
  
Life in the resistance was very dynamic, despite what everyone else may say. Your days were filled with combat training, flying classes courtesy of Poe and your very first/only friend, helping every time you could at the med bay and getting to know every member at the common dinner hall.  
  
You could recall the day General Organa invited you to join her cause, hers and many others you realized the moment you arrived. Every corner of the place was occupied by someone performing a task. It had been nearly two months ago, your home planet attacked brutally by the Firs Order. There lived mostly elder people, so neither of you stood a chance. You managed to protect a group of children who lived near you by hiding them at the woods. You were young and with potential as the General has said. The powerless feeling the assault had leave you with helped when accepting the kind offer.  
  
Poe was out on a mission and it leave you eating your meal alone, you had made a few acquaintances, but not a friend per se, as Poe was. You were not a person who needed someone by your side to talk to, but neither the one who disliked someone before they had the opportunity to play on your good side. Despite that, as you raised your eyes, they met the sight of the most obnoxious, egocentric, and pedantic human being you have ever known, you could not fight back a sigh leaving your lips.  
  
He always wore a smirk on his lips and everyone looked ready to kiss the floor his feet had touched. Women clung to his arm and other man patted his back and laughed every time he finished one of his boring stories. You overheard one a week ago, they seem more like fantasy stories if you dare to say.  
  
_What a prick!_. You roll your eyes. This kind of people were the worst in your opinion, acting like teenagers and living only on false praises and friends. One day his bubble will be break and the only one to blame for the mess it will leave will be him.  
  
You must have been starring for some time because he fixed his eyes on you and his smirk grew, the satisfaction of discovering you paying him close attention printed all over his face. _Bastard_. Who does he think he is?  
  
You quickly finished the rest of your plate and cleaned your table before turning to the door and head to your quarter, tomorrow Poe will bring you along in his mission. At last, real action.  
  
But when a shadow blocked your path you stopped and looked up only to find your ‘friendly comrade’ looking down to you, a small smile at his lips. With tiredness and annoyance clouding the best of your judgment you scoffed.  
  
“Do you mind?” you tried to walk pass him but he moved to block your way once more.  
   
“Actually yes, I do mind” he said casually, placing his hands on his hips, but you were so unimpressed with him it did not intimidate you one bit.  
  
“Is there _anything_ I can help you with?” you knew your voice carried your desperation and you didn’t try to hide it.  
  
“For starters, you can get over your shyness and ask me out already” he shifted his weigh over his right leg and lean slightly toward you. His eyes daring you.  
  
“What?” you gave him a chance to take back his comment, but Ben’s chest was filled with pride, having used this pick up like numerous of times before with success.  
  
“You were checking me out just a minute ago and you have done it before” Ben exposed you, and the nearby tables turned their attention to both of you. ”Don’t play pretend” he added. Ben stood there, his posture showed his superiority as he stood straight to make himself look as tall as possible. Have in mind, he’s very tall already.  
  
“Oh you could not be more wrong with that” you moved your head side to side, frown on your eyebrows and a sly smile on your face. This ‘ _guy_ ’ had the nerve to think you were part of his little ‘ _fan club_ ’. What a nerve he had. Your opinion of him dropped a lot more if it was even possible.  
  
“Come on, I know you are relatively new here, but I could feel your eyes on me since de moment you arrived” he took a step closer to you, and you just arced the right eyebrow, challenging him to continue, but he stopped and added ”So let me spare you the trouble of you embarrassing yourself to ask for a date and get on with this, shall we?”  
  
By this moment your brain could not possible comprehend why in the name of the stars, destiny hated as much as to make you cross your path with this excuse of a womanizer. You took a deep breath and tried to calm your nerves, you were the newbie here, and to acquire the ‘ _crazy angry bitch_ ’ status by having a row in front of pretty much everyone, was not the reputation you wanted to carry.  
  
“ _Excuse me_ , I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer. I am very tired and I need to rest so…” you tried, once again to continue your way but he just couldn’t get over it and moved to the left to block you, again. Now your anger had overtook your mind and judgement.  
  
“No need to be shy now. It’s ok” Ben was now standing right in front of you, raised his right hand and placed it over your left shoulder. You looked at it with disgust and turned to his face, hatred all over your pupils.  
  
“Look, this is getting really annoying, and I don’t want to make a scene. Please, move!. Now!” politeness was now out of the question. Hopefully, he’d get the hint and leave you alone once for all, but as arrogant as Ben Solo was, he did not, and interpreted your rejection as a challenge.  
  
“You look so ‘cute’ when you get mad” he said. That was it, the worst possible thing he could do right now was to underestimate you and pretend he knew your intentions better than yourself.  
  
For the first time since your arrival to the resistance you thank the stars for Rey and her insane fight lessons. She was fierce during practice, expected you to give your 150% and had no mercy when you couldn’t get up and continue. At the end of the practice, every time, you collapsed on the floor to catch your breath. So, your next reaction was something, not even you expected.  
  
It happened so fast no one could describe it from start to end. Without thinking you closed your fingers into a fist and with one fast punch, you broke Ben’s nose. Instinctively he put his hands over it as blood started to fall from it. Ben took a couple of steps back but you used his confusion and hit right leg with your foot and he lost balance to fall in the floor over his knees.  
  
The place was now in complete silence and you could see in the corner of your eye Ben’s friends getting up to check on him but none of them approached you.  
  
“Still thinking I’m ‘ _cute_ ’ when I’m mad?” you shouted watching his puzzled eyes, not quite understanding what just had happened. “Asshole”, and with that statement you walked out to your quarter, not knowing this event would change your staying in the resistance.  
  
To be fair, Ben had everything since he was a child. Being the son of two legends, nephew of a great Jedi, everyone respected and envy him. When he was a kid, he tried to make real friends, but as a celebrity, everyone was with him for something, and a favor from his mother and even his father was the most common reason. And at some point he stopped trying and just enjoyed the perks of being, well, him.  
  
Women were always easy to him by the fact they all played hard to get but eventually fell for his pretty words, his status and situation playing in his favor once more. So, now that you hadn’t made a move on him had him wonder if you were actually better at playing “ _hard to get_ ”, and as he loved to play, he played along. Or so he thought.  
  
“Oh Stars! Ben, are you ok?” the girl he was with minutes ago reached him and kneeled at his level to check his nose. But she could say anything she wanted and still, Ben’s attention was still on you. He couldn’t fight a smile over his lips, an honest one. “Oh no. You are bleeding pretty bad!” she continued and pulled Ben’s arm to get him on his feet. Without fighting back, Ben got up and let himself be dragged to de med bay for a check up.  
  
He now was interested in you, maybe he had found the first worthily person in the resistance. And secretly, he wished he could get to know you more and become your friend. A friend. Something Ben hasn’t had apart for Chewe. Who knows what time would bring?. And so, Ben dare to dream.  
  
As you walked down an aisle you heard someone calling your name. You turned your head and over your shoulder  and saw Poe trying to catch up with you.  
  
“What the hell was that?” he cried as he reached your side. It was weird, Poe was always encouraging to stand up for yourself and didn’t let anyone mess with you, he sometimes acted like an overprotective big brother.  
  
“What do you mean by _that_? I could handle myself quite well, thank you very much Poe, what a friend you are” the minute Ben started to get closer to you Poe arrived to the dinner hall, but did not moved and just contemplated the scene before him.  
  
“Do you know what you just did? Who you just punched?” he added with distress in his eyes. You were confused, who cares who he was? You noted his pants similar to Poe’s but different color, and his white shirt with a black vest did add a nice detail to his attire. He had big long hands and he was very tall.    
  
“I would say he’s a pilot, he looks like he knows how to fly and often talks about distant planets, but I’ve never seen him on your team before”. For a moment you forgot your quarrel and stopped to analyze him. “What’s the big deal anyway? He’s just an idiot who needs to be taught some manners”  
  
“By you?” said Poe, irritation at your ignorance clear on his words.  
  
“By anyone?! His mother for example, but she didn’t do a good work apparently”. Your friend’s face fell, he had his hands on his hips and Poe let a big sigh fell from his lips. “Poe? Come on man, are you serious? What could possibly be the ….?”  
  
“His name is Ben Solo, son of Han Solo and _the_ General Organa”. His interruption left you breathless. That guy, that tall and arrogant black haired son of a …. ok, you didn’t dare to finish that thought, fear filling your body now. And like a switch, everything made sense to you. This is the reason why everyone prized him so much and made his ego go over the roof. Oh stars!.  
  
“Well, shit!”. You said after five minutes staring into Poe’s eyes. “I’m dead”. You whispered. Your benefactor will not be very happy you broke her son’s nose over something tribal, well, it was not tribal to you at the moment but as you re-told the story on your head, you could see now how silly you had been. And over all, you insulted her, insinuating she was an irresponsible mother.  
  
“Yes you are” Poe nodded his head, a hard expression on his face as yours just paled. “Well, at least now tomorrow will be interesting” he finally said and returned to the dinner hall. You stood there for some heartbeats more, analyzing if it was not too late to run way.  
  
Well, as Poe said. This will make things interesting.


	2. I Bet You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that your opinion of Ben Solo was clarified to everyone, what will become of you?. You fear the General will take a part in the matter, but Ben could surprise you once in a while.

You waited all night, barely slept, anxiety being the cause. The ' _show_ ' you gave hours ago still hunted you and every time it popped in your head your hands immediately covered your face as a sign of embarrassment. Your mother told you once your temperament will be the end of you. How you wish now you had listened more carefully.  
  
Now you were standing next to Poe, the hangar bay filled with people going up and down, hurrying to prepare the ships you will be using in a moment. Engineering was not your field, but anyone could see the complexity behind it.  
  
Every once in a while you looked over your shoulder, repeating a speech over and over in your head, body tensed and prepared to run, fight or anything you will be forced to do this morning. Poe could see your distress, he really wanted to help you and was ready to jump into your defense if things may get out of control. Ben may not be a bad or even violent man, but he was a spoiled brat and as close as he was with the General Organa, Ben was still a mystery to him.  
  
But you had started this, even if it wasn’t your complete intention, and he knew you could handle anything that may come. That thought comforted him a bit, so he relaxed to assure you, everything will be just fine.  
  
“Easy there little one”. Poe said putting his arm around your shoulders and giving you a small hug. “At leas you can say the rest of the galaxy you got to knew me”. His smirk was teasing you and you didn’t fight back a smile.  
  
“You are so humble”. You shake your head from side to side and freed yourself from his embrace to give him a light punch on his left arm.  
  
“Ouch!”. Poe managed to easy your heart for a few minutes until you turned your eyes and saw the reason of your problems walking into the hangar bay. _Here we go_. You thought about it the whole night, dignity be damn, there were basics coexistence rules to follow, so you’ll try and take this matter like an adult. He may refuse your apology, but that will be his decision and the rivalry that will surge from it will be his fault.  
  
Ben was dress similarly as the night before, did he only owned may pieces of the same clothes. _Silly_. You approached him and as soon as he saw you he excused himself from his company.  
  
“Can I talk to you?” You asked emotionless.  
  
“Of course” He gestured to follow him to a quieter spot, crossed his arms over his chest and stood there, indication for you to start talking. You took a deep breath.  
  
“I want to apologize”. You started, unable to look at his eyes. "What I did had no excuse and I realize it was wrong” Simple as that you needed to make this ‘conversation’ as short as possible. If you were to reconsider things, you may damage the situation a great deal more.  
  
“I appreciate you doing this, I know it’s not easy for someone like you. So do not worry, not hard feelings here” He said and smiled. That bastard dared to smile at your apology and trowed every responsibility to you. _Idiot_. You were running out of insults for him.  
  
You didn’t realize it until much time after this day, Ben was in a huge disadvantage. For once, the odds were against him. Humbleness was a new thing for him, his mother often tried to teach him but with the resistance demanding so much of her time and his father’s ‘do as you want’ attitude left Ben in red numbers for social skills.  
  
So you mistook Ben’s intentions of making you feel better as an act of arrogance. You believed he tried to make you feel inferior of him and once more, your opinion on him dropped. Poor man, he had a long way to go before things got into a nice flow with you.  
  
Again, you took another deep breath and prepared yourself to tell him a pice of your mind, he was asking so hard for it. So damn hard. But he interrupted your intentions. “It’d be very awkward if you are in bad therms with the mission’s leader”  
  
And that, it left you speechless. Not many moments would Ben made your mind go completely blind of words, and this will be the first of them.  
  
“Wait, what?”. Your expression was the representation of an interrogation sign. Ben noticed but did not pressed the issue.  
  
“I thought you knew, the mission you are going to, will be leaded by me”. He clarified to you. _Oh the Maker, what else do you want from me?_. You’ve tried to do the right thing and held back your ego to apologize to this, clown. And now the stars cursed you even more. Of course he was the leader and not Poe, he’s the General’s son and status demanded it. _Damn them_. You felt indignation in behalf of Poe, he worked so hard and was the best pilot and their commander, so now he had to answer to someone just because the stars were on his favor the day he was born. Ben felt the atmosphere thicken. “We should get going, the rest of the crew is waiting”  
  
With that, he walked to the rest of the pilots and engineers who had finished the preparations. It took you a few seconds to react and walk two steps behind him, he walked so damn fast thanks to his long legs. Damn him and his height. Damn him and his deep voice. Damn him and his status. You will not fall for his trickery, he can act as friendly and authority to everyone else as he wishes, but you will not fall for his facade. He was a spoiled brat and that was it.  
  
Ben gave instructions for everyone and the tasks were divided so you all got busy. Apparently it was an easy mission. Ships needed to be repaired and pieces were low in stock by now. It will take you two days tops to supply the materials, but not ‘ _action_ ’ whatsoever will reach you any time soon. What a day.  
  
Deception after deception followed you through that day, you visited two planets and Poe used the opportunity to teach you as much as he could, and you did enjoyed your time with your friend but at some point it just got you boring.  
  
The next day the same routine was instructed. You didn’t do much, as you were a newbie and knew not much about the machinery per se. So you occupied your gaps of free time to meet new people. The pilot's second in command, a female friend of Poe’s, reached you early that day. She caught you looking from time to time at Ben, a scroll in your face followed his actions as he ‘leads’ the company.  
  
He despaired around midnight and no one seemed to notice, well only you of course. It was not that you tracked down every movement he made, you just had your guard up, just in case. Of what exactly, you didn’t know.  
  
“I’ve always said ‘ _Hate_ ’ is a strong word and one never means it” A dark haired woman said taking your attention from your current task to her. Organizing ship’s part was not a difficult one but rather a boring chore, and as the new acquisition to the crew, it was yours to do. You looked at her, she had a light smile on her lips, clear blue eyes and thanks to her time spent under the sun and outside missions her skin was tanned. She was beautiful. “And yet, seeing the way you look at Ben, if looks could kill"  
  
You smiled and shrugged your shoulders. “I hardly know him, you can’t hate someone without reason”  
  
“And yet, here you are”  
  
“I just don’t think our personalities are _compatible_ ”. You raised your arms in defense and scoffed, after you rested your hands in your hips. You could hear the tone on her voice and knew she mean no offense, so you played along.  
  
“You made that very clear two days ago, I don’t think there’s a soul in the resistance who’s ignorant of your display” she took a step in your direction and raised her hand. “I’m Jenn” You shook her hand and introduced yourself.  
  
“Let me guess, as a result, now every person ether hates me in loyalty to Ben or they despise him secretly and I’ve become their hero”. Jenn laughed and you did as well, people could be predictable.  
  
“More like now you are the new diversion among the pack”. She clarified for you and you raised an eyebrow in confusion. “There are bets going around now, on how much time will it take you to snap out at Ben again”. You let out a small laugh, unbelievable, maybe your people skill aren’t as good as you thought. “I bet it would be a week, so if you could, help a friend here”. Both of you laughed again, this time more sincerely. “He’s not that bad you know? You’ll find soon enough, he may have a shitty personality but he’s a very loyal friend”  
  
“Not interested” You added. “His actions are controlled by a teenager’s mind and believe me when I say, he’ll not change for anything in this galaxy”. Jenn smirked at you as if she knew something you didn’t.  
  
You continued talking about this and that for over two hours. Jenn helped you and with the extra pair of hands and pleasant company the time flew rather quickly. Poe joined you at some point and the three of you were laughing so hard you gained a few stares from people passing by. By the end of the day the recollection as done and Ben informed you all to get ready to return.  
  
The trip back was calm. You met two more pilots, Sampson and Linus, the first one tall as Poe but with brown short hair and an extroverted personality. Linus has a more build body with bond curly hair, blue eyes and weirdly, he’s very shy and introverted. They told you they knew each other practically from the they were born, joined the resistance together and left the few family members behind to help a good cause.  
  
You liked the new friends you had managed to make, and a part of you thought it was thanks to Ben in a way. Ben Solo. Since Jenn had joined you earlier you had not spared a thought to Ben. Ha!, funny. The estrange feeling forming in your stomach made you turned your head around you to find him. It could not be fear, could it?. Why would it be?. It’s not like it was your responsibility to keep an eye on him, you didn’t like the guy by any means. So what did it matter if he escaped your sight an entire day. Not twenty four hours per se, more like sixteen or seventeen if you counted… ok enough. You forced yourself to stop the train of thought there. You were not going to get uneasy over this.  
  
The ship landed and everyone got out to be received by fellow resistance members and friends. Descending the ramp, you spotted General Organa at the back of the crowd, she spared you a stare and thanks to the surprise, reading her expression was not possible for you. It lasted mere seconds, she walked passed you heading to her only son. That was the moment you noticed Ben had been walking not too far behind you. Uninvited relief filled your chest and increased the beating of your heart.  
  
What in the name of the Maker was this trickery? You shook your head and took a deep breath, the path to your quarters was long in distance but you didn’t notice. The minute you were inside your feet felt the liberty to carry you all over the place in circles. _Calm down_. You repeated over and over in your head. _Don’t be ridiculous!, stop this nonsense and get it together_.  
  
You didn’t know what exactly was the cause of your anxiety. Did you fear the General finding out you hit Ben and send you away?, maybe it was the fear of Ben convincing everybody to treat you like a punch bag and make your life a living hell. Or perhaps, you couldn’t bare the thought of General Organa thinking any less of you, no one has ever expected anything good coming from you, she was the first mentor you’ve ever have. But her son comes first and she’d trust him over you. Ben could make up a story to turn you into the bad guy, he could very easily crush your future into nothing just by snapping his fingers.  
  
He could do all sorts of things. Or he could just say the truth, he could find decency in his heart and do the right thing, he could even make it look as if you had done as anyone’d have had. ' _He’s a very loyal friend you know'_. You remembered Jenn’s words, they comforted you but it was ridiculous, he wasn’t your friend, maybe not your enemy but definitely not your friend.     
  
When you made a decision you tried to accomplish it as fast as you could, fearing of back out if you didn’t. Now, as you walked to the General’s office, determination was placed inside you. You’ll face her before anyone else had the opportunity to change the facts. And just your luck, she wasn’t there, and in your way back you decided to stop by the med bay. Entering you noticed it was nearly empty, the only nurse informed you a party will be having place that night and everyone was getting ready for it, she excused herself and left you alone.  
  
You’ve been standing there for a few minutes when you heard voices coming from one of the rooms. Approaching as carefully as you could you distinguished the General’s voice.  
  
“You know I only worry about you, right? Missions can be very dangerous…”. She didn’t have the opportunity to finish.  
  
“I’m fine mother, in any case, this isn’t a souvenir from the mission”. Ben let out a hiss and you deduced General Organa was mending some bruises.  
  
“Ben, if there is someone who’s molesting you…” and again, she was stopped on her speech.  
  
“Mom, you promised me, not to look into my head”. Ben sounded tired and annoyed.  
  
“I am your mother, I don’t need to use the force to know something is wrong or bothering you”. Her voice firmer this time. “And besides, I have eyes everywhere my darling, nothing happens here without me finding out”. At that moment you heart stopped cold inside you heart. She knew, and your fate may had been decided by now for all you knew.  
  
“Please don’t”. Begged Ben. “I can take care of this matter by myself”. You kited your eyebrows, what did he mean?.  
  
“Ben, this is not a mission, this is social interaction. You have to approach them not strategically but with your best intentions an your heart on your sleeve. If you show kindness, you’ll receive the same”. Leia tried to advice her son, she knew he had a difficult personality, a result of her and Han’s lifestyles. Still, they tried to teach him to be honorable and just man, and he was one, but he had so much of his father some times. And that combined with her stubbornness made it hard for Ben to find honest and real friends. Even less, a faithful companion.  
  
“I know. Dad already gave me some ideas and as expected, laughed at me” Ben looked at the floor smiling at the memory. Leia let out a sight defeated.  
  
“Allright,  I’m here when you need me”. She reminded him “All done”. She finished patching up Ben and he got ready to leave the room.  
  
“I know, and thanks” he said and that was your signal to get on your way before they discovered you. You heart felt easier this time you walk to your quarters, anxiety now mixed with emotion rather than fear. Your steps were fast and your senses awoken. Ben had actually made a mature statement, he managed to accept the blame he had and was ready to assume his responsibility.  
  
Easily he could have blamed the whole thing to you, but it seemed as if he had an interest in doing the right thing and be honorable.  
  
This fact amazed you to no end. For the second time in the day, Jenn’s words found their way into your head and for once, you believed them. Maybe, just maybe, if fate was in his favor, you could become real friends. And for the first time in months, you found yourself smiling at the thought of Ben Solo.


	3. FN stands for Friends Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your opinion on Ben Solo begins to change, he will prove you wrong and you can see he's more than just a spoiled useless brat.

It is so strange how time passes so damn fast, it felt as if it was just yesterday you worried about being expelled from the resistance. Now here you were, finally assigned as a pilot, in training, but still a pilot. Poe’s lessons served their purpose and the General finally gave you a formal job after four months of trail.  
  
Your new acquiesces, Um… excuse that, friends were very happy you joined the crew. You still dropped by the med bay now and then. Being the daughter of a nurse left you with love for health care, still you never took that path, it belonged to your mother, not to you. But helping there brought you memories of her and that made you happy. So you continued.  
  
You got to know Sampson and Linus a lot more. Linus was really outgoing, funny and loved to laugh, very loudly, he’s just three years older than you and as much as he acts like a ladies-man , he’s very protective, pinches your cheek every time he cans and tells you in a girly voice how cute you are. Sampson on the other hand, is more a fatherly-like person, always instructs you on how to flight trough narrow spaces so the ship won’t suffer any damage, gives you some tips when it comes to repair them and never rices his voice more than necessary.  
  
Poe is really happy you got to make a few friends on your own. Jenn too, hanged with you as much as she could, being second in command to Poe took more of her time than she wished to. But this was the job she was born to do. Her and Poe were, without any doubt, the best pilots you came to know, dedication and love for their jobs radiates from their faces whenever they fly.  
  
Going back to the main topic, you rarely saw Ben over that time. Once in a while you caught him walking the base’s aisles, exiting the General’s office, at dinner eating as fast as he could and barely taking 10 minutes in the whole process. He looked very busy and in some way, that intrigues you to no end. In your eyes, he just takes the privilege of his status and let everyone else do the dirty work. Granted, he’s not the ‘bad’ person you initially though, but behaving decently for once in his life just means he’s capable of being a decent human being, but chooses not to most of the time.  
  
_How strange_. One more thing you noticed, he’s never among a crew, of any kind. Most of his time at the base is occupied by people congratulating him for his ‘ _heroic missions’_ (you still doubt them), but apart from your first mission,  he’s never accompanied by, well, anyone.  
  
You couldn’t help to think the worst scenario, there’s no way he was a secret double agent. Ben’s the son of Leia Organa, stars, he can’t be. And yet, that tiny little black sensation in your heart dared to grow. Thanks to it, here you were, midnight and wasting your precious sleep hours following Ben to find out what he was up to. Damn your imagination, but if you were right, a great deal of damage will come to the Resistance. And as part of it, it was your duty to solve this puzzle.  
  
Ben was careful to walk trough the corridors and knew the guard’s shift was about to change so no one really could see him get to the hangar bay. You were careful to be quiet and follow close by, he was fast and looked over his shoulder twice, he nearly caught you. Unsure as to how, you got to sneak into Ben’s ship when he got back to pick some stuff. You hid at the back behind some boxes and waited until Ben activates the auto-pilot.  
  
One hour had passed when suddenly you heard, “It must be very uncomfortable to sit over your legs for a long time, at some point you’ll stop feeling them”. Your eyes widened, recognizing Ben’s voice. “Come sit here with me” he invited you. Slowly you raised just to see him still sitting on the pilot’s chair, back turned to you.  
  
You couldn’t pretend you weren’t there anymore, so you rose, adjusted your pants and blouse, walked forward towards Ben and sit on the co-pilot’s chair. Your complete attention on him, face expressionless, waiting for an explanation as if he’s the intruder and not you. Ben’s sight still at the front, you could see the corners of his lips lifted up in a tight smile, he was holding back a laugh. You didn’t say a word, can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing the shame of your actions. You crossed your arms.  
  
Ben found the situation quite pleasing, your action amused him, constantly trying to hide your interest on him, even if it was based on resentment, he’d take whichever reaction you’d be willing to give him. Ben’s not very good at acting like himself in front of people stranger to his family, but now far away from everyone else, only with the presence of the woman who silently swore to loathe him, somehow it gave him the freedom to act as he pleased.  
  
_Just be yourself, minus the cocky-asshole part in you_. Han had told him once he explained the situation. Ben had no friends to turn for an advise and he had to sallow his pride and shame to ask his father. He laughed for several minutes at him and commented something along the lines of ‘ _about time someone kicked your ass off that damn pedestal_ ’.  
  
“Where are we going?” you finally broke the silence, Ben pressed some buttons and you understood he put the coordinates and the auto-pilot to turn and face you. Your crossed arms tightened and your eyebrows frowned to show him he didn’t frightened you, even if the situation did. He smiled.  
  
“I can’t exactly tell you that” he explained in a deep voice.  
  
“Why not?” You prepared yourself for the worst, was he a spy? A traitor? Did he want to sabotage the Resistance? An organization his mother directed may I add. This was craziness.  
  
“Because I don’t know” he added, confusion painting your features. “Every week I’m given some coordinates, I head there, and get whatever information I can about the First Order” He tried and fail to banish your doubt, and seeing this, Ben continued. “I’m kind of a… spy” So you were right. “There’s a not-so-content stormtrooper who fills me every time he cans with value information, movements to come from the First Order. He warns us before they move, and we can stay one step further. Brilliant right?” he finished.  
  
_Dear Maker_. You were right, he’s a spy, but you got the context wrong. He wasn’t betraying the Resistance, he was helping them, in even the most important and dangerous way there was. A wave of shame and surprise hit you. Maybe this was what Jenn was talking about, Ben being loyal and 'not so bad’ as he seemed. You took a deep breath and looked at your lap. You felt so embarrassed.  
  
“Who knows about this? Am I allowed to know about it?” Maybe you have compromised the entire mission with your silly plot theories. _Stars, how much more will I shame myself in front of this man?._  
  
“Poe’s second in command, Jenn. Only because we had an emergency and needed a good pilot. Poe was in another mission that time” Ben relaxed in his chair, he analyzed you to no stop, a bit fearful you’ll still despised him. He wouldn’t blame you. “And no, it’s fine you know about it. I was thinking on recruit someone anyway, and now you’re an official pilot, you could come in handy” Now you stared at his eyes, breathless by his words.  
  
“What? Why? Aren’t you mad at me? Sneaking in, thinking the worst of you, trying to prove to your mother you were betraying her?”  
  
“Is that what you were doing?” Oddly he seemed surprised. “Honestly? I just thought you wanted to get close, seeing how close attention you pay to me?  
  
“I don’t pay close attention to you!” Indignation clearly on your words. Of course you weren’t. He was delusional.  
  
“Well, you are the first one to notice my late leaves and you’ve been here for a short time” Ben tried to prize your abilities, and for once, you got the right meaning of his words, but as stubborn as you are, you couldn’t let him know you guard was down now.  
  
“It wasn’t because of you per se. I was just trying to prove my action were justified, to prove you are a bad guy, that’s all. Don’t flatter yourself”. You could accept the kindness of his intentions, but won’t forgive him for being such an asshole before. You weren’t that easy persuaded.  
  
“At last, honesty”. Ben said with a smile in his face, and wow how good looking he was when he smiled sincerely. Stop that!. You are not recognizing his cute side. “I think it’s a good start” he added and turned his view to the front, grazing at the stars before you.  
  
“Start of what exactly?”. His profile was stunning, you’ll give him that, full lips, soft jaw and his Adam apple showing his masculinity as it wiggled when he laughed.  
  
“Friendship” he finally said and you frowned at him. Friendship? As if he was capable of having real friends. Yeah right, what a joke.  
  
The trip lasted four hours more, you talked to Ben only for the necessary stuff like when you got hungry and asked for a snack, he lend you a blanket and you cuddle in your chair, enjoying the view. Ben allowed you to have this time for yourself, to analyze what the hell was going on and how you managed to get into this. He enjoyed it nevertheless, spared you a quick look now and then to check on you. But your mind was way too far.  
  
He may not be a double spy, but he was definitely a cocky bastard without manners. Now that you were here, you came to the conclusion to finish this mission with him and pray General Organa won’t be that mad at you for prying into her matters. Dear stars. Another bad impression to add to the list.  
  
“We are here” Ben said finally and a grey planet came into the view.  
  
“I’ve never been in this planet. Don’t even think I know the name” You knowledge of the galaxy wasn’t very bast, but you knew quite a lot of planets, except for this it seemed.  
  
“That’s not important. We need to hurry and finish this as quickly as possible” The ship landed smoothly, Ben’s flying abilities came as a surprise to you. So he did know how to fly properly. Strange.  
  
You got down the ship and noticed Ben took a part from the back of the ship with him. It was the energy core, as Poe had told you once. The small device was put into Ben’s sachet and the two of you began to walk trough a forest. Maybe he did that so no one could steal your ship, good thinking.  
  
After half an hour of walking you encounter two people. One with grey hair and a scroll on his face, talking to a Wookie who growled at him. They seemed to have an argument but not an angry one, more like, friendship. Weird.  
  
“Hey kid” The old man said the moment he spotted Ben. You reached their side and he turned his eyes towards you. “And she-kid”  
  
‘Hi” Ben greeted, the Wookie nodded at both of you and you did too in response.  
  
“You brought her here? Ben, when I said spend quality time with her I didn’t mean this?” So they knew each other, and the older man tried to speak lowly only for Ben to hear, but you could do it perfectly.  
  
“Um, what is going on?”. Nothing made any sense to you. Wasn’t this supposed to be a dangerous mission? Why did it looked like you came all this way to hang out with friends?  
  
“Han Solo, I’m Ben’s father. This is Chewie” Han extended his hand for you to shake it, and instinctively you reached for it. Then his words sank in your head. Your shake stopped midway, you froze on your spot.  
  
“Oh _Stars_! You are Han Solo? The legendary _Han Solo_ ”. As an act of magic your hand moved frenetically shaking his as the words left your mouth as quickly as it was possible for you. “I’ve heard so many things about your adventures and I’m so excited to meet you, I can’t believe I finally met you, this is great”. You haven’t met Han before obviously, you knew he was Ben’s father as Poe had told you before but now, meeting him in person was very different. He irradiated authority and boldness, his old features described not only his age, but his wisdom. Poe and Rey talked about him constantly and you felt as if you were meeting a legend.  
  
“I like her already”. Han said to Ben and the young man just rolled his eyes.  
  
“Ok I believe that’s enough. We need to move?” Ben changed the subject quite quickly and the four of you began to walk again.  
  
Not far from your meeting spot was a small village, it seemed more like a big market grouping. People for all over the galaxy was there, selling goods, food and even services. It was really crowed and it was easy for you to camouflage within the crowd.  
  
Then you reached an old abandoned building and got in. The doors and windows were missing, the some of the walls had huge holes on them connecting rooms meant to be separated. At the back of the building you were received by a blue skinned person, his eyes were red and his body heavy-set, dress in a raggedy long brown hooded cape. His back was turned to you and you could see the tension on his shoulders.  
  
“You have something for us?” Han asked interrupting his thoughts. The blue man jumped and turned to you in a quick move.  
  
“Oh, Han you scared me! You know how fragile my heart is, don’t do that?” He placed a hand over his left chest and let a breath scape his purple lips.  
  
“We don’t have time for chit chat. Give us the directions”. Ben walked from behind his father to stand at his side, arms folded on his chest. Chewie stayed behind Han and you were behind Ben, but moved two steps to the right so you could face the man.  
  
“Ben Solo, you surely look a lot like your father at a young age, the same arrogant attitude too. Who could have thought time could turn back”. The remark just made the Solo men impatient.  
  
“Don’t play with us. We’ve been trough this before. You give us the directions and we’ll be on our way”. The atmosphere was tense by now, everyone seemed ready to jump into each others throats. Now you realized the mistake you’ve made by coming along Ben. Sure, Rey had trained you in combat and you knew how to fly a ship, but this, field work, you weren’t ready for it. Your heart began to beat almost painfully inside your chest. You didn’t want to be here. Yo regretted the decision.    
  
“Yeah? And what’s in it for me? I’m tired of doing some dangerous shit and getting nothing in return”. The red eyed man frowned his eyebrows. It actually surprised Han it took him such a long time to realize he could blackmail you. Damn him. Now was not the time for this.  
  
“How about your ass intact to come back home, huh? Who does that sound?” Han’s hand was near his gun and Chewie had his ready to shoot at any moment by now. _It was supposed to be a good day_ , Han thought. He could come back to the Resistance base to see Leia after nearly a year apart and have a relaxing day, and this moron dare to step between him and his pans. Bad move.  
  
“You have more to lose than I do Han. So think your words carefully. What do you have for me?”. The greedy man felt in control, he knew he hold all the cards and came here with every intention to gain something, if we was going to risk his life, then let something be done out of it.    
  
“How about this?”. Ben cut the tension holding the engine core he had retrieved from the ship earlier. _What is he doing? He can’t possible give this guy our way out. Idiot_ , you’ve started to think he could be a rational man. Ben surely had an habit to prove you wrong.    
  
“And what can I do with an energy core? You think I’m stupid?” The blue-skined man was at the edge by now.  
  
“Of course not. It’s a guaranty. We don’t have much with us right now but if we don’t hurry our business will expire. I took it from our ship, that way, you can know for sure we’ll be coming back and pay the right price”. Ben eloquently offered him the device, he held it in his hand and handed it to the man. In his mind he prayed the man would accept it, it was the only plan he could think of in such a short time.  
  
“All right”. Ben’s breath slipped from his lips in relief. “Here. You have 10 minutes left to find it” He handed a piece of paper and left without another word.  
  
You followed the Solo men and Chewie to your destination. It was a house at the skirts of the village, small, only floor and as you passed the threshold you hands began to sweat. Can this mission be over now? How many more games must you play? It was driving you crazy. You graze at Ben, he looked so used to this, like he was born for this kind of job. It was your first one, not even over and you felt exhausted.  
  
Now you remembered Ben’s words, he said he needed a companion and he insinuated you to take the job. Dear Maker, what a joke. Was he thinking right? Was he trying to make a joke by it? You couldn’t see yourself in this kind of life. You entered the house and the moment you saw a white uniform you began to shake. What in the name of all the Stars was a Stormtrooper doing in a place like this?. You wanted to run away, turn around and not stopping until you reached the ship, but you found your feet planted on the floor, unable to move.  
  
“Hello FN” Said Stormtrooper took off his hamlet and you saw his dark skin and strong features for the first time. His face was tense as were his movements.  
  
“Please don’t call me that” FN pleaded. _What does FN means anyway?_ , Ben asked himself.  
  
“I’m sorry but I don’t know how else to call you” Ben apologized and noted your state, he tried to calm you by giving you a small smile but you couldn’t return it.  
  
“No time for formalities” Han walked pass you and FN turned his attention to you, his eyes winded in surprise and fear.  
  
“Who is she? Why are you bringing in more and more people? Are you trying to ambush me?” The stormtrooper took two steps back in defense, ready to defend himself if necessary. Things could go very wrong now, any sudden movement and someone could shoot any of you and the mission will not only be screwed, but your lives were at risk now. Regret only grew inside you, such a big mistake coming here. But there was nothing to be done other than go on and finish this as quickly as you could. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself to explain the situation, but Ben took that privilege from you.  
  
“No no, of course not. Calm down. She’s my wife and she’s pregnant, can’t survive more than a day without me” The weight of his words fell over you. How dare he say such things. People could actually believe him. Anger replaced your fears and you turned your eyes to the youngest of the Solo men.  
  
“Hey…” you began.  
  
“To business kid” Han interrupted you again. Really, this constant habit had to be on their DNA. They were an exact version of the other. _Arrogant bastard_. You shot Ben glare, warning him he was in so much trouble with you thanks to his imagination. Oh you’ll deal with this later.  
  
“The First Order is planning an attack in Jakku, it’ll happen very soon, two weeks tops. They gave up searching for you and are tracking down something else” FN described for you, now that the tension was over.  
  
“What thing?” The dark-skinned trooper turned his attention to Ben.  
  
“I’m not sure, it’s a device full of information, that’s all we are told. But they’re really interested in it, as much as finding the Resistance is nothing compared to it” They discussed ideas and formulated theories. What could possible be more important to them than their enemies?. They talked for a few minutes and you began to pace over the room and then something caught your eye.  
  
“Ben?” He didn’t hear you so you walked to the window where you noticed something moved. And then you saw it clearly. At least half a dozen of Stormtroopers forming a line behind the house, ready to shoot.  “Get Down!” You yelled and ran to your companions only able to reach Ben and trow him to the ground. The explosions and shooting began as soon as you hit the floor.  
  
“Thanks darling” Ben looked up to you with a smirk, by now you were able to tell when he was just teasing you, and when he was trying to actually flirt.  
  
“Ugh! Come on!” You said and got up so you could get the hell out of it. Han instructed FN to leave not to compromise his position.  
  
You fought your way out the house. Chewie handed you a gun and even if you weren’t used to them, you used it the best you could. Ben and Han taking down most of the enemies and you concentrated in running away, covering them when they needed it.  
  
Back up arrived and now you were facing at least ten of them. A rain of shooting surrounded you and people from the market hid behind their stores and vanished from the streets. Han directed the group to his ship and the minute you set your eyes on it you smiled, relief reached you but you let you guard down a minute, enough for a trooper to skim you arm by shooting at you.  
  
“Argh” It hurt more than you thought it would. Your legs tripped and you fell on your knees, left hand covering your wound on your right shoulder. Blood now flowing out of it and slipping through your fingers.  
  
“Chewie”. You heard Ben shout to the Wookie. “Get her”. He commanded and the giant creature lifted you in his harms and carried you the remaining way to the ship. He set you down on a chair and left you to sit on the co-pilot chair. Han was the next to enter and Ben the last, you saw he pressed a remote button with his hand and as the ladder began to rise an explosion took place. You managed to see in the direction it happened before the ladder closed and deduced it was the ship you’ve come into.  
  
Was that Ben’s plan from the beginning?. Had he been able to see today’s outcome and work out a plan of scape? It amazed you. Ben’s clever talking, offering the ship’s energy core, probably useless by now the ship didn’t existed. He programed it so the ship would explode to cover your footprints, he convinced the blue man to give them the direction and eased FN and your’s tension back at the meeting. Your vision of him completely twisted by now. You felt as if you’ve just met a new man. Like, all this time was a waste and the hatred you’ve spent on him was useless.  He really was a mystery to you.  
  
“How is it? Does it hurt?”. He stood by you and checked your injury, pressed his fingers into yours to have a better view.  
  
“Of course it hurts genius! Stop pressing it!”. You complained. It did hurt, and more now the adrenaline wore down.  
  
“Sorry” He said and began to clean it. It was just a flesh wound but Ben wanted you to check it at the med bay as soon as you reached the Resistance. He wrapped a cloth around your shoulder.  “All done. You’ll have to train more with guns” he added with a smile you’ve seen twice today.  
  
“Tell me something I don’t know”. Now you felt more comfortable around him, so you dared to add  “So, ‘ _wife_ ’ huh?” you raised one eyebrow at him, teasing.  
  
“I was just trying to ease the situation”. Ben raised his hands in defense, expecting you to shout at him how inappropriate it had been and how he was the last man you’d ever think as a husband. He prepared for all of that and wonder how many insults you could say in one phrase. But on your favor, he wasn’t the only one able to leave the other wordless.  
  
“I know, it’s ok”. He looked at you in disbelief. Had he hard clearly? Had he actually gain a positive reaction from you? And as he saw you gratefulness on your eyes and the smile growing on your lips, he swore he could get use to this feeling for the rest of his life.  
  
“So, are we friends now?”. Feeling confident he asked you. You raised your right hand and took his huge hand on yours.  
  
“Friends"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being quite long. I apologize for the time it took me to update but I had a quick idea for a drabble I sumited a few days ago. I hope you liked it. Your comments mean the world to me, every one of them counts as well as every kudo and every hit this fanfic gets. Thank you so much for that.


	4. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the events of TFA, Poe goes on a dangerous mission but it goes wrong. Your friend needs your help and you'll not fail him.

“If you trace an imaginary line and join those seven stars, they look like an eye”  
  
“You are killing me Ben. Just enjoy the view” You’ve been both sitting at the roof of one of the cabins near the base. You’ve found it months ago, and loved it from the second you laid eyes upon it. Images of a quiet life surrounded it, nostalgic finding its way to your heart.  
  
Stars shined up above you, lighting the sky in the most delicate way. It always impressed you how beautiful they could be. They’ve been studied, measured, visited, unraveled, but still, they never failed to amaze you every night you looked at them. It was one of your favorite hobbies, quite cliché but you didn’t care.   
  
The wound you gained three weeks ago was now healed, it still felt weird to know it had been there, that you were involved in a battle and live to tell the story. Of course, you were aware being part of the Resistance will mean just that, putting your life in danger constantly, it just never felt real, until that day. Strange thing, it didn’t felt bad either.  
  
Ben visited you constantly, you often stayed late to talk, to get to know each other in the most childish way. He told you about hobbies, tales of distant planets, embarrassing anecdotes, even his child adventures. You believed them all, sincerity laid in his eyes every time you talked. He graze at the stars with the same devotion you do. There was a fire in his heart, longing for worlds and people that even maybe doesn’t exist yet, but the excitement to know them, it was unbearable for Ben, and you could empathize with him completely.   
  
You rarely brought back the events from your visit with the stormtrooper FN. Ben never asked you again to join him as his companion, and you dismissed his proposal as an act of the heat of the moment. A spark of sadness reached you when you thought about it, a part of you was happy he saw you as a capable warrior, but the opportunity was lost and you concentrated on feeding the friendship Ben had offered you.  
  
He was certainly unique, he was everything you’ve thought about him. Bold, arrogant, but kind and selfless. You never knew how it was possible for a person to be all that at the same time. Ben also learned you quite quickly. He understood your liking for honesty, your love for hard work and your need for truthfulness, the main reason why he showed himself as he truly was.   
  
And you thanked his action by telling him all as much about you as he asked. The story your parents told you about the day they met charmed Ben instantly, a nurse and a solider, what a pair they were. You missed them so much, but their memory brought you joy more than sadness these days and you were grateful for that.   
  
One day you were walking down the base's corridors in order to continue repairing one of the ships Poe entrusted you, when suddenly you felt someone walking beside you as they took your arm and dragged you into another direction. Raising your eyes you met Ben’s stern face.  
  
“What are you doing?” You gave him a chance to explain himself.  
  
“Meeting. Important one” Ben said that as if it was something you should have known.   
  
“I haven’t been called for a meeting” He was now walking faster and you almost jogged to keep his pace. Ben whispered something about ‘ _we’re already so late_ ” but didn’t stop to enlighten you. “Ben!” you called him one last time before a pair of doors opened for you to pass. General Organa as well as various high ranked members of the Resistance gather around a circular console, it appeared this ‘meeting’ was about to start when you entered. Ben stood at the right of the General, you next to him. Every one seemed important and you couldn’t feel any more foreign than this.   
  
“We need to come up with a decision. What’s to be done?” One of the members called in a strong voice, everybody paid him attention. You noticed Rey standing across you, her expression has hard and she looked concerned.   
  
“There’s nothing to discuss” A white dressed dark skinned man declared at your left. “We can’t attack the First Order most powerful spaceship for one man” You needed no more to understand the subject. Poe had been called two days ago to a mission. Since you knew already about Ben’s secret actions it didn’t hurt you to know he was sent to retrieve this “important artifact” the First Order was after.  
  
Instantly and obviously you could deduce the delicacy and danger of the situation. But as always, your oldest friend promised you to come back before you noticed his absence. He always did, but now, something went wrong. It appeared he was captured or, stars forbid it, maybe even worse.  
  
“He’s not only a man, he’s the pilot’s commander, he’s the best we’ve got.” Sampson’s voice filled the room from the back of the crowd. You could see his indignation, his friend and superior was in danger, every passing minute condemning Poe to a worse fate. “We need to send a rescue…”  
  
“It’s not even clear if he found the map there. It’s too risky, our position could be compromised” The same man spoke again. Your anger stiffed your posture, still you held your tongue. _Map? What map?_. You grazed at Ben but he held his head high, tension over his shoulders as he waited for the right opportunity to talk.   
  
“This is ridiculous. We’d be abandon him”   
  
“We are at war” for the first time, the General spoke. “I understand how difficult it is for all of you, it is for me as well, to make this call. We want Poe back with us but we can’t make a sudden attack” Of course you get that, this wasn’t about Poe and Leia Organa had all your lives on her hands, not only Poe’s. _This is wrong_ , you clenched your hands into fists and tighten it as strongly as you could. Everyone was quiet for a moment until Ben broke the silence.   
  
“If I may” he began and looked at his mother. “I request permission to head a investigation trip, go to Jakku and find as much as we can of the attack and Poe. If he has the map, the First Order will not wait for us to make the first move and all our work will be indeed compromised”   
  
“You?” Dark skinned elder was now getting in your nerves. Why did he had to make it so hard for you?. “Poe was also on his own, what makes you think you can make any difference back there?”  
  
“I’m not alone” he graved your hand and instantly you wrapped yours around his. “I have a partner”. The elder analyzed you and scoffed.  
  
“You can’t be serious” the need of punching him right on the face was overwhelming, but Ben held you on your spot.  
  
“Ben” Leia called her son. “Don’t” she warned him.  
  
“Han would have done the same and you know it” he said in a whisper even though everybody could hear him.  
  
“But he’s not here Ben, and this matter is not the same. We need to be practical”  
  
“I can join them” You turned your sight at Rey and thanked her for her support. Poe was one of her closest friends as well, and you became very fond to her ever since the first combat lesson. “We’ll be covering each other’s weakness and we all need to know what really happened on Jakku” she insisted.  
  
“Thank you for your offer Rey, but it can’t be allowed” General Organa looked at the three of you with apologetically eyes. The room cleared and you couldn’t find the will to move your feet. Ben was still by your side but said nothing. For the second time in the day, he dragged you through the corridors into his quarters. You didn’t noticed until the door was closing behind you.  
  
“This is wrong” your eyes were directed to the floor. “We need to do something”  
  
“And we will” he said and as your set your eyes on him again you watched him pacing his room, gathering clothes, weapons, and a few other things into a bag. He was packing.  
  
“Really?” you needed to know for sure.  
  
“Yes, that’s why I took you there” he sipped close the bag and walked to you. “I needed my mother’s permission to go”  
  
“What? Permission? Were you standing at the same meeting I was? She refused your plan”   
  
“She had to” he crossed his arms and sighed as he smiled.   
  
“Oh Stars. Was that part of a plan as well?” You covered your face with your right hand. Ben never foretold you about his skims, he liked to watch you react naturally to the situation, his little secret game you’ll make him pay for later.   
  
“Yes, and now we have Rey at our side” He patted your shoulder.   
  
“Next time, please let me know what you are planning. I can play my part too” you placed your hands over your hips, he inspected your discontent. It only made his smirk grow.   
  
“You’re not that good at lying” Before you could answer him, the door opened to reveal Rey, ready to leave as well.   
  
“You knew Rey?”   
  
“No. I just picked Ben’s intentions. I’m not going to leave Poe at those monsters’s mercy” You nodded in agreement. After a quick stop at your quarters you collected the essential and prepared to leave.  The trip to Jakku wasn’t too long, and the ship you stole was a very good one.   
  
The four of you landed near a market in the middle of the desert. The heat was suffocating but you kept going. People stared at you, unused to see new faces. Hours passed and you found no clue, you were ready to find Ben and Rey to reimport to them when you heard a fight happening near you. As you got close to the struggle, you spotted BB-8, Poe’s devoted droid.   
  
“BB-8!” You called him and he rolled to you, his beeps sounded happy to find you.  
  
“What’s happened?” Ben reached you and you directed your attention to Rey. A young man on the ground over his back and hands raised in front of him pleading Rey’s mercy.   
  
“Where is Poe?” She asked him, pointing her staff to his face.   
  
“He didn’t make it” he shouted. His voice finally reaching the right spot in your brain as you recognized him before Ben did. “I’m sorry"  
  
“FN?” Said stormtrooper scanned you.  
  
“You!, you’re Ben Solo’s wife”   
  
“What?” Rey shot you a questioning look.  
  
“It’s a long story” Ben finally stepped in and lowered Rey’s staff, he helped FN into his feet and shook his hand. “One for another time. We came here searching for Poe. It’s a surprise we crossed paths again”  
  
“Yeah” FN took deep breaths to recover for the action Rey had forced in him into. “The pilot, Poe, we escaped, stole a TIE but were shot down. I woke up ant the only thing I could find was this jacket” he gestured at the piece of clothing he wore. You recognized it immediately, Poe’s jacket. You felt your heart skip. Was he…?  
  
“Do you happen to know if he succeeded on his mission” Ben questioned him before your train of thoughts went any further. Chills were sent down your spine at the idea of loosing your best friend. BB-8 beeped at your feet and Rey gasped. “What?” he kneeled at his level and BB-8 opened a compartment in his body to show him the object everyone desired the most. “We need to get this back to the Resistance, immediately”   
  
“But Poe” you began even though you understood he was right. Then again, your primary reason to be here was the pilot, and you’ll not be leaving without him. “I’m not going anywhere until I find him” Rey called your name. “No Rey, we already came all this way”  
  
“The Resistance doesn’t know we are here. We left on our own accord. We can’t just walk around Jakku as we please and not expect anyone to track us down in order to find the map. I want to find Poe as much as you do, but we need a good plan” Rey has always had her feet on the ground but this was something you’ll bring to the last of the consequences.   
  
“Han is out right now. If we send him a message, the First Order won’t find it so easy” Ben offered. “He’ll come to get Rey, FN and BB-8 and take you to a save place” You grazed at Ben wordless now. What about you two?, but Rey asked before you had the chance.  
  
“And you?”  
  
“My name is not FN” The stormtrooper claimed loudly. “It is Finn” his cheeks redden, despite his dark skin you saw his shyness painted all over them.   
  
“Right, Finn” Ben corrected himself. “BB-8 contact Han. We’ll go and find Poe”   
  
“I told you already” Finn informed again “He didn’t make it” It was your turn to place a statement.  
  
“I neet to be sure, even if there is just a tiny possibility he’s there, I’ll take it. He’s my best friend and I won’t leave him to die here. I can’t.” Your declaration left the rest of the group mute. Loyalty was one of your strong qualities, Ben admired that on you, he did so as much as he feared it. You were loyal, but selfless, and that made it too easy for you to give everything you had, even your life, to protect others. The concept frighten him to death. He made a promise weeks ago, to never leave your side as long as this war develops. He’ll keep you safe, with you by his side, he could archive anything. You were his partner after all.  
  
“Now that everything is clear, let’s get going” Finn, Rey and BB-8 stayed at the market as you and Ben made your way the directions Finn gave you. He always ended lightening your path. You’ll thank him later for saving Poe from his prison. Ben tread part of his and your belongings for transport.   
  
As you parted, Finn noticed your closeness, your bond was stronger compared to the last time he saw you. “So, are they really married?” He asked Rey. She looked at him with a disgust expression.  
  
“Of course not, who told you that?” You sure had given Ben the opportunity to be your friend, but Rey ofter heard you complaining about him.   
  
“He did” Finn told her. It didn’t surprised her, if someone would fall for the other, Rey was sure it’d be Ben. She laughed at the thought. Ben always played the womanizer part, she didn’t thought a time would come for him to finally act like a grown up and settle down.   
  
“Of course he did” The only question in her mind, will you allow it? Only time will tell and Rey couldn’t find a better feeling that both of his friends falling for each other.   
  
The sun was shining it’s rays over you brutally, sand being trapped between your hairs as it stiffened, the warm air hitting your face, it was all so very uncountable but you endured it, as you sat behind Ben, arms around his wist. He was bigger than you imagined. His body was massive, broad shoulders and his height gave him a strong and dominant semblance. Now that you knew him better, the reality couldn’t be farther from that.  
  
Granted, he was clever, strong and authoritarian in the eyes of the rest of the galaxy, but in privet, he was soft, charming, protecting, easy going, extrovert, and so many other things. It could take you a whole day to describe Ben Solo to make him enough justice.   
  
“You didn’t had to do it” You shouted so he could hear you over the sound of the wind. “I could have come here by myself”   
  
“Nonsense” He replied as loudly as you spoke. “You are my partner and I’m yours” he declared. You didn’t acknowledge the wave of emotion making your heart skip the moment he told the word ‘ _yours_ ’. _Charming prince_. You rolled your eyes and excused his choice of words. “It’s my job to help you” Right, job. Focussing on the main plan, Ben and you reached the zone the TIE crashed.   
  
Both of you inspected the remaining pieces and searched for clues. After two hours of chasing leads you saw at your right a small cave formed by sand and old spaceship parts. You shouted to Ben to get his attention and ran, you could feel Poe close by this time. He had to be there. He had to. It was your last chance to find him.  
  
And merciful Maker, you found him there. He had passed out due to dehydration and cuts were all over his strong features. One jacket missing. You called for him and kneeled by his side, took his face on your hands and shook him lightly. The stress leaving your body raised tears to your eyes, they fell easy down your cheeks as you waited for Poe to open his eyes.  
  
“Poe? Come on Poe, wake up pal. It’s me, we came here to get you back home” You called him over and over. Ben stood by your side and Poe little by little gained consciousness.  
  
“Hey there” You laughed, he was fine, your friend was back to you and you couldn’t be more grateful. “Always glad to wake up to a pretty face” Poe smirked and you looked at Ben now, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to him. He only nodded and helped you to get him on the transport   
  
The way back to the market was more difficult, now that Poe was with you and his strength was not at his finest, you had to support hid weight so he won't fall during the journey. When you got back you found a disaster. Tents were on fire, people screaming, trying to gather his belongings, ships destroyed, deaths on the ground even some stormtroopers joined them. You gasped at the sight. No sign of your companions.   
  
You felt guilty. The idea of Poe death clouded your vision and now Rey, BB-8 and your new friend Finn were in danger. You grazed at Ben but he just gestured you to calm down. Taking a deep breath you helped him to get Poe into the ship and getting back to the Resistance base.  
  
First aid kit sitting on your lap, you cleaned as best as you could Poe’s injuries. Silently you played your task, Ben piloting and Poe watching every one of your movements. “Thanks for coming back for me” he said, a serious graze on his eyes. “I mean it”  
  
“It’s what you’d have done Poe” you returned his gesture and took his had in yours. Ben spared you a glance for a moment before returning his attention to the front. He sighed lightly and reminded himself Poe was your best friend, nothing more. He’d seen his interaction with Jenn and it took a blind man to miss the connection they shared, so there was no way Poe’d try to gain your heart. Right?  
  
Jealousy was a new concept for Ben and he managed it as best as he knew. He ignored it. Pushed his fear at the back of his head and focused solely on you. On winning your trust and care, a place in your heart dedicated only for him.   
  
Landing back at the base you were welcomed by the General and the elder man who had mocked you before. Poe’s right arm as over your shoulder and his left on Ben’s. Medics and nurses hurried to your side to take Poe from you and examine him. You did a pretty good job with the first aid kit, but he needed a professional assistance.  
  
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” the elder took your attention from your fiend and approached you. “You could have compromised all of us for one man”  
  
“Let me handle this” the General stood before him, faced you and his back to the dark skinned man. “Ben, what you did was dangerous”   
  
“I know, but it needed to be done. In fact, not only we brought back Poe, but we found out he got the map, it’s inside BB-8”  
  
“And where could that android be no huh?” the elder spoke again and the General trow him the most severe glance on him.  
  
“They should be back anytime soon, we called Han…”  
  
“Ben, your father hasn’t made any contact with us” Leia informed her son and Ben knitted his brows in confusion. “We don’t know where he is, the Millennium Falcon went off radar hours ago, we can’t reach him”   
  
There was no way you could know now if Rey and the gang were with him now. Your friends were missing and so was the legendary smuggler. This may had been a mistake but you’d do it again.  
  
“He can’t be trusted General, he’s too reckless for his own good, or ours” Before the man could continue insulting Ben in front of his mother and superior, you stood up for him.  
  
“It was my idea” They all turned to you. “I planned on going to Jakku on my own, but Ben and Rey sneaked in to make sure I was ok. He told me not to, tried to convince me to go back but I didn’t listened to him. I took us there and Ben helped me just so we could be back as soon as possible. Rey found BB-8 and Finn, who helped us find Poe. We separated paths because I suggested it. I needed to bring back my friend, so if you are going to punish someone, direct your wrath to me, I’m the one to blame”   
  
No one dare to talk for a moment and Ben was taken back by your words. You defending him left him speechless. General Organa was the one braking the silence “It doesn’t matter now, no one is going to be punished. We need to focus on finding the map along our members. Our fight is against the First Order, not among us”   
  
You were left alone with Ben. He smiled at you and for the first time, you allowed yourself to breath normally. The stress left you both laughing for some minutes, tears reaching your eyes. Now you could relax for a second and felt for the first time relieved. “Thank you” Ben told you.  
  
“It was nothing” You swept the tears off your face with the back of your hand and stared at him. “You are my partner right?” you quoted him and smirked. He laughed one last time only to put his large arm over your shoulders and walk you out of the bay. “Hey, you’re leaden"  
  
“Right. Come on, we need to eat and regain strength before looking for Rey and company”  
  
“Yes please. I’m starving” You announced. Having Ben so close to you made you feel secure. There was a calming atmosphere surrounding him, one that told you it’d be just fine to believe the war will be over soon. That happy endings were possible and your heart grow with emotion. You placed your arm around his wist and let him guide you.  
  
Ben was not longer a mystery to you, he was not even just your friend. No, he was something more, and as you intended to define this feeling, you labeled him as your partner for the rest of your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, again. I'm not sure how this turned into such a long fanfic. Honestly? It was meant to be a one-shot, two-shot tops but, I lost control and my imagination just keeps going on. Hope you liked it.


	5. A Love in the Middle of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy hits the Solo family and you do what you can to confort Ben.

“Move, move!. Out of the way!” You shouted while running through the Resistance’s corridors. The whole crew jammed the narrow spaces, it was hard to walk between the people, even more run. But you were determinate to reach the Hangar bay as soon as possible.    
  
It felt like hours, you bumped into your fellow comrades and didn’t bother to apologize. The urgency in your heart allowed you to only think in one person at the moment. Ben Solo.  
  
War started before you had planed. After your return from Jakku the chase for the Map leading to Ben’s uncle, Luke, set everybody on their tracks. The message BB-8 had sent Han Solo served its propose, but right before he picked up Rey, Finn and the droid, stormtroopers reached them. That explained the state you’ve found the market when rescuing Poe. The famous smuggler and his fateful Wookie flew them to Takadona in order to contact Leia and lose the First Order off their tails.   
  
Thankfully, the news reached the Resistance quite quickly and they sent help as soon as possible. However, the First Order found out too and unleashed hell down Maz Kanata’s castle. Rey was taken prisoner with the hope she’d guide them to Skywalker. Han, Chewie and Finn flew back to the base.   
  
Guilty reached your heart the moment you heard the news, you should have gone along them, maybe that way things wouldn’t have come to this, maybe Rey… it was not time for regrets.  
  
A conference was held. Finn provided valuable information regarding the Starkiller Base, the massive weapon used to destroy the Republic. The acts disgusted you. How could anyone do such an atrocious act? It just didn’t made any sense. The plan was set rapidly. Han, Finn, Chewie and Ben offered themselves to open the opportunity by taking down the shields protecting the enemy’s Base.   
  
“You can’t be serious. How do you plan on getting in there? It’s just impossible” You were walking along Ben heading to the Hangar Bay. General Organa set you behind the desk this time, punishment for disobedience if you may say, whatever reason she had, you questioned it now. How could Ben be able to go and play hero while you stay behind? Your orders; lead and guide Poe’s fleet during the attack, keeping an eye above them, an extra pair in case of need. Still, it bother you.  
  
“Han will think of something” He simply replied, the confidence in his father endless. You couldn’t help but notice the smuggler has always been ‘Han’ to Ben, never ‘dad’ or even ‘father’. Their family dynamics were still stranger to you, but they seemed to work and you let the funny feeling slide. “We’ll be out there before you know it”. Stoping him with a hand on his arm he turned to face you and you whispered.   
  
“You’re going there for Rey, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yes” His answer was straight with no room for doubt. “Finn’d never leave Rey there. I could see it in his eyes, the moment he offered his help, his real intention” You knew of course, but for some reason, it didn’t calmed your nerves. Something felt very wrong.  
  
“Just…” you sighed loudly. “Just be careful, this plan, it doesn’t feel right Ben”  
  
“We are at war. Of course it doesn’t” He tried to assure you the fear within you was unjustified giving you a warm little smile. Sadly it didn’t work for too long.  
  
The attack was tremendous, losses were grater than you’d have thought. Ships shot down, your communication to the Millennium Falcon went down right after they landed. Occupying yourself in helping Poe’s fleet took all your attention from Ben. You heard your pilot friend yelling orders, evading enemies, shooting TIEs. Jenn was along him and together they took down most of the enemies. Really, there were made for each other.    
  
It felt as if an entire day passed before the defense shields broke down, but the second it happened, they unloaded fire right to the core. The unstabilized Starkiller Base exploded into a billion pieces, and at last, you won the battle. Feeling confident to relax for a moment you grazed to the General, but the hollow expression killed the tiny bit of happiness you’ve gained seconds ago. Tears found their way to her eyes but refused to fall, your breath has been stolen as you imagined the worse had happened.   
  
“General Organa?” Doubtfully you called for her. Eyes wide open laid upon you and you watched as she briefly shook her head side to side. Deep breaths were the only function your body managed to do. “Is something wrong?” Of course something was wrong, but there was no other thing you could find worth to say.   
  
“I’m afraid so” Leia said no more and you didn’t press the matter. A bleeping sound stole your focus and placed it back to the main task. You returned to your station but the matter didn’t get off the back of your head. The Millennium Falcon still missing from your radar only increased your worry. Time passed painfully slowly, but the moment you heard the spaceships began to reach at the Hangar bay you stood from your chair and run as fast as your legs allowed you to.   
  
Certainly the people you pushed to advance will forgive you for being so rude, not even bothering to say ’sorry’. When you reached the bay and spotted the Millennium Falcon you stopped for a second. You felt Leia’s prayers for you to calm down as she catches up with you, but you didn’t listen.   
  
The first thing you saw was Rey and Finn, the former stormtrooper unconscious laid on a stretcher taken to the med bay, Rey followed him until the medics took him away. Leia embraced her to comfort her and Rey hugged her back tightly. Your eyes kept looking for the rest of your friends. Poe coming down his ship along BB-8, another breath returning into your lungs. But to your right you saw him, Ben. Chewie supporting his weigh, keeping him standing up as Ben held his face with his right hand. A long wound run the length of his features, dressed and still bleeding.  
  
“Oh dear Maker” Your pleading slipped from your lips in a whisper as you advanced towards the younger Solo. “Ben! What happened to you?” Placing your hand on his left cheek you noticed how pale his skin was beneath the dried blood. He barely had strength to maintain himself awake. You looked to Chewie and he growled. “Let’s take him to the Medics first”. Circling his waist with your right arm you aid them on their way.   
  
The minute one of the nurses set eyes on Ben she rushed to help you and set him on a bed. You had to leave as much as you wanted to assist them, he needed professional care. Still, unable to only sit and wait for news you helped here and there with minor wounded people. Just as a spaceship, you worked in auto-pilot, and unlike moments ago, time passed hastily.  When the emergencies wore down you tried to speak to Ben but weren’t allowed to, he had to be sedated they told you, he kept moving, trying to get out and kept repeating he had to leave.   
  
You found Rey sitting by Finn’s bed, her wounds were just superficial, but the ones on her soul were different.   
  
“How are you holding up Rey?” you dared to ask, but she didn’t replied immediately. Rey swallowed and closed her eyes for a brief moment.  
  
“As expected” General Organa had revealed you the preliminaries as soon as she was able. The loss of Han surprised you. He always got out of trouble thanks to his witty mind, same Ben inherited. He always came back a hero and in no moment you’ve doubt he wouldn’t do so this time. You knew he was like a father to Rey, a mentor. She never knew hers, but always liked to think of Han as one. Poor soul. You could only imagine what Ben was feeling. He and his father never exchanged affectionate words, but anyone could see the love between them. It was undeniable.   
  
“If there is anything you need me for Rey, you know I’ll be more than happy to do it” you placed your hand on her shoulder to emphasize your support. She regarded you and cover your hand with one of hers, a sad smile reaching her lips.  
  
“I know, and I thank you. But I need to make this by myself” R2D2 had woke up from slumber and with it, the rest of the map was completed. Rey took the task on her, she felt it to be her duty to find Luke Skywalker as she'd discovered her Force Sensitiveness. It awed you, but if anyone was capable of following that path, it was her. You left her alone with Finn and as you waked away her words reached your ears. "We'll see each other again. I believe that” You stopped for a moment and looking over your shoulder Rey kissed Finn’s forehead "Thank you, my friend” was the last thing you heard before exiting.  
  
The next day you passed by Finn’s ben just to find him still sleeping. At the other side of the Med bay was Ben’s bed. No one was around to tell you if it was ok to enter, so you peeked the scenario before inviting yourself inside the curtains and you found Ben dressing, putting on his boots. Brows frowned you made your presence known.  
  
“Where are you going?” Ben turned to you, he had most of the right side of his face covered, bandage looked clean but his eyes reddened. He’d been crying.  
  
“Leaving” Ben continued his task. “I need to do something” He buttoned his shirt and you could see the shake in his hand. His strength was still gone.   
  
“The only thing you have to do is get some rest. Get back in bed, you are too weak” You stood before him, hands on your hips to show your authority, it had worked before when you wanted him to do something. He had a soft spot for the moments you spoke seriously and always obligated to do as you commanded.   
  
“I’m fine” He tried to stand up but his legs gave up as soon as his weight was upon them. You tried to reach him but Ben just raised a hand to keep you away. “I just, I need to find him”  
  
“Ben..” He interrupted you easily.  
  
“No, you don’t understand. I need to” He stood up again, this time he managed to remain standing. He grabbed his jacket and put it on. _He’s really leaving_. Distress reached you, there was no way in the galaxy you’d allow him to go. You understood his feelings, but this was madness. His mother was a better choice to get some sense inside that thick head of his, but if you left to find her, he may easily escape. He spoke of finding some man. It was common for someone who's lost a loved one to seek revenge, and in your opinion it was the best way to lose yourself. It was not the answer, and it’d not bring his father back, as much as you could comprehend his pain, you wouldn’t allow him to cross that line.   
  
“Come now Ben. Everyone knows what happened, but you need to be rational. Revenge is not what…”  
  
“I don’t care about rational. I’ll find Chewie and leave”  He was furious, not to you, but himself.   
  
“He’s left along Rey on a mission, he’s not been here since yesterday” He grazed at you, hoping you’d volunteer, but you only locked your eyes on his. Ben felt powerless. For years he thought of himself above death. Him, his father, Chewie, his mother and even you. He imagined all of you, many years in the future and saw you all happy, laughing, together. He could hear the tease Han’d give him the moment he found out Ben loved you, he could see the smile on his face when you’d break the news you’d be marring, Han patting his shoulder to calm him down as you walked down the aisle. But it was all gone now. Stolen moments that would never happen.  
  
“Doesn’t matter, I’ll go alone” Ben tried to walked pass you but he tripped on his feet and fell over you. You managed to keep both of you standing, he was really heavy, and his stubbornness only accomplished to angry you.  
  
“Just shut up!. You are in no condition to stand up, even less to fly a damn spaceship” Taking a few steps back you tried to sit him on the bed again, but he fought you.  
  
“I need to find my father” Oh Stars, now it was clear, Ben’s intention was to find Han, not revenge. It ached your heart, the anger left you and you felt a lump on your throat.    
  
“Oh Ben” Grazing up at his eyes you saw the pain and desperation. Tears forming and falling from them once again, his full lips formed a thin line, he was struggling to hold back the emotions.   
  
“I left him, he’s still there. I need to bring him back” Ben shock his head lightly and moved to fell off the embrace you had him in by now, but you kept your arms around his body. It was easier this time to win, his tired muscles didn’t archived much. The sorrow in your heart heaved it. Ben brought one hand to his face to wipe off the tears but he did it too harshly and the bandage over his large wound painted in red.   
  
“Stop!, You’ll hurt yourself” Taking one arm off him you slapped of his hand.  
   
"I need to find my dad” Ben hang his head and placed it on your shoulder. Despite his large frame, he clung to you as if his life depended on it. Tears now wetting your shirt. You set your free hand over his head and massaged his black locks. “It’s my fault” Closing your eyes you left a deep breath out.   
  
“No it’s not” Ben’s shoulders were shaking by this moment, his voice breaking with each word he spoke. He felt so tired, the pain and sorrow were too much greater than anyone could imagine. His soul had died a little as he saw Han falling to the abysm. His father had always been his hero, and as proud as he was, Ben never voiced out his thoughts. Oh how he wish he had.  
  
“It’s my fault, I left him there” He was the one who suggested to separate. He was young and reckless, Han had told him it was something he’d have to work on if he wanted to improve. Ben didn’t listened like every young man, adventures where his weakness and he wanted to live his life with no regrets, so he followed his guts every time. Cruel destiny. “I left him.”  
  
“It’s ok, It’s ok” You felt your own tears and made an effort to keep them from falling. Ben was breaking down and you had to be the strong one right now. You hugged him tightly, as if you could take the pain for him by doing so.  
  
“I can’t take it anymore” He was sobbing by now. Never had you thought Ben Solo would be in this state. It broke your heart. Unable to hold back any longer, the tears left your eyes, you bit back a cry and cleared your throat. “I feel tortured, ripped apart” Clenching his jacket on your fist, you took a moment to find your voice again.   
  
“I know Ben, I know” No, you couldn’t understand his pain. His father was taken away from him on the most cruel way there was, he didn’t get to say goodbye, no last words, no handshakes, nothing. Just a hole in his heart, forever craving to be filled. Always incomplete. There was nothing you could offer to make it up for him, couldn’t bring back his father as much as you wanted, the only thing you could give him was your company. “I’m here, not going anywhere” you said and stayed there holding him as long as he wished.  
  
Moments later, you laid beside him on his bed. You over you right side and Ben on his left facing each other. Silence washing you both. Not knowing what else there was left to say, you waited for him to do the talking. He kept his eyes off you, directing them to his hands as you still held them. It’s been a while now Ben came in terms with himself regarding of loving you. He did love you, from that first conversation when you broke his nose. Damn. He had been charmed that very moment, as he grazed up at you, rage and fire in your eyes. He knew you’d be angry if he said so, but you did look so cute when you were mad.  
  
A grin showed on his lips as he remembered the event. He knew you were listening his conversation with his mother a few days later after that, but he meant every word. Ben wanted no more than to befriend you, so maybe one day, you could feel as he felt. He longed it with all his heart, and even if you didn’t, he’d be glad to be on your life just as your friend. How unusual of him. He had changed the instant you crossed his path, and he couldn’t be more grateful for that.   
  
Now more than ever, he thanked the stars for you. Here you were, sharing his pain, lighting his heart just by existing, just by caring. He felt the luckiest man in the galaxy. Han often talked how his life turned upside down when he found Leia. _Now I get it dad, what you meant_. He moved his fingers to intertwined them with yours. You accepted his action and glimpsed his eyes.   
  
“How are you feeling?” A light voice was all you handled to articulate. Ben locked his eyes on yours and took a deep breath.   
  
“Calmer” he simply said and you nodded. It was all you needed from him. You knew it will hunt him for the rest of his life, a big part of his heart had exploded along the Starkiller base, but you also knew life moved on. You’ve lost both your parents, and even if it wasn’t as traumatic as Ben’s situation, it was equally awful.   
  
“Than’s good” You admitted. It really made you feel better. The wave of adrenaline you’ve went trough sucked up your energy and now your dozed eyes begged to be closed. But you refused to let them win and watch over the man laying beside you.  
  
Surprise was not enough to express shock you felt when Ben’s lips fell upon yours. You didn’t even noticed him getting closer, nor saw the affection reflected on his eyes, affection only he had for you. His full lips moved gracefully on yours and as unexperienced as you were, it took you a moment to realize what was happening.  
  
It was true this wasn’t Ben’s first kiss, you weren’t the first person he’d ever kiss. But he intended you were his last. The fact that escape him was that, he was your first kiss, this is your first time kissing anyone outside your father’s butterfly kisses on your cheeks greeting you as he came back from work. Frozen in your spot your eyes widened and now they were fully awoken.   
  
Fear grow inside Ben. What if you pushed him away? What if you broke his nose again and cursed him as you promised never to talk to him again? Or worse, what if you did this only for pity?. Oh how many scenarios reached his head. But boldness run within his veins, and he dared to, once again, follow his gut and heart. For just this moment, he wanted to feel complete again, loved and wanted.  
  
Not sure what drove you to, you closed your eyes and followed the young Solo. Clumsy kisses reached Ben and he felt his heart beat in happiness. You kissed him back and he couldn’t be more delighted.  
  
He cupped your face with his right hand to held you close and you raised yours to his chest, dragging it up to the back of his neck. He tasted like sweets you remembered from your childhood, he was skillful and confident on his act. His personality reflected on them, bold but delicate. He kissed you as slowly as he could, memorizing the imprint of your lips, the way you tasted, the shyly bites of your teeth on his bottom lip.  
  
You felt the smirk as he continued, deepening the kiss he held you closer. Ben realized your face to hug your wist, to feel you close.   
  
Only interrupted by the need of air, you broke the kiss. Not feeling confident to see him you kept your eyes closed but still felt Ben breathing hard as he too needed the air the kiss stole from him. He couldn’t care less for air, now that he knew the intoxicating flavor of your lips, he longed for more. But Ben also knew this was a stolen moment, the situation was delicate and his heart had been hurt. He didn’t want to confuse you.  
  
You stole a glimpse of Ben, he only smiled at you softly and kissed you again, only this time your forehead was his target. He hugged you once more and placed your head under his chin. Feeling exhausted  once again, you returned his embrace and fell asleep in his arms in no time, Ben following you a couple of minutes later.  
  
Dreamless sleep captured both of you and allowed the feeling of safety relax your bodies. Ben’s heartbeats lulled you as your breathing did the same for him. Later, you decided, you’d deal with this later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sad chapter, I know. Sorry for that but I tried to make it up for you guys at the end. If anyone is interested; I was hearing "Un amor en medio de la noche" by Ximena Sariñara, you can find in on YT if you want to hear it. Hope you liked it and as always, thank you all for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time, and please, let me know what you think.  
> Tumblr: http://10thousandshours.tumblr.com/


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